In Which A Computer Has Ideas Above Its Station

I am so peeved, O blog reader.  You do not even know.

Okay, so I made these little mini coloring books, right?

A hand holding two small handmade booklets titled "FLOWERS" and "BUGS".
Volume 1: FLOWERS. Volume 2: BUGS.

I could do these all day.  They’re what the kids call “zines” — a regular sheet of paper folded cunningly into a little 8-page booklet.  They’re super cute and fun to make and I thought how fun they’d be for you, the bloghopping public, to print out and stick in your purse to give to the kids at the doctor’s office or whatever.

Open booklet showing simple line drawings of two flowers.
Isn’t this cute? Don’t you want half a dozen for your kids?

So I got them all carefully inked in, scanned, cleaned up, and printed out to test how they’d work as printables.

You’d think scanning in a piece of paper at its original size and resolution and then printing out same, yielding two identical pieces of paper, would be a simple operation.  But you would be WRONG.  Because the computer has an opinion on this, see, and its opinion is that it knows better than you.  Did you already carefully lay out that page, including the margins, with nearly mathematical precision?  “LOL w/e,” says the computer, and messes around with it until it fits the COMPUTER’S idea of correct margins.

Open booklet showing simple line drawings of a beetle and a ladybug.
I really hate bugs, you guys. But I drew six of them. FOR YOU.  And what do I get?

Which would be merely irritating if you were just printing out a flyer for your lost dog or whatever, but in this case I am trying to print out a page to be precisely folded in eighths.  Not to have all the edges cut off at some arbitrary distance and then folded in eighths, COMPUTER.

Tell it to just print without margins, you say?  Oh ho ho ho, my sweet summer child, that would be way too easy.  If I do that the computer says to itself, “O! so I take this scanned image that I arbitrarily shrank, right, and stretch it out again by, eh, it doesn’t really matter how much, I’ll just eyeball it even though I don’t have any eyeballs. Close enough!”  And lo, I get a printout that’s cut off in random places.

A photocopier can handle this just fine.  I don’t understand why three hunks of arguably higher technology between them can’t get it right.

So, long story short, I don’t have any cute free printables for you today.   But at least I have photos of  my cute drawings.

In Which More Footnotes Are Despoiled

A blue and purple butterfly doodled across a page of footnotes in a vintage textbook.
Footnotes to “Virgil and Other Latin Poets”, Pitt pen.

Still messing with Virgil.  I rescued this book from an overenthusiastic destash with the intent of cutting it up for pages, which I may still do.  (Lots of neat illustrations.)  But I discovered it’s also really fun to doodle in.  Drawing directly over text is something I hadn’t done before, and the paper is super smooth, so Pitt pens like it quite a lot.  Hence a wonky butterfly.

And then I did this:

A page mostly covered with black ink.  The remaining words are connected with white curving lines and read: "The wind could not lie, and the fountain overflowed with change."
Found poetry, Pitt pen and white gel pen.

I splurged yesterday on a Big Brush Pitt pen, explicitly for this purpose — don’t want to wear out my regular black brush tip on heavy-duty inking!

In Which A Crisis Is Averted

Journal page decorated with yellow striped tape and a drawing of a bumblebee.  Text: "Woke up this morning to an awful buzzing.  'Oh no -- the wasps are already getting in!' When I dared to get up the buzzing started again... like a motorcycle.  Then I saw it -- a HUGE great enormous bumblebee.  So I opened the window and let it out."  The bee's thought bubble reads: "Jeez, lady, what took you?"
Journal page with washi tape and colored pencil.

So yeah, that happened.  Ordinarily I’d whine like a baby for my mother to deal with it, but she’s been deathly ill this week, so I had to put on my big girl panties, and lo and behold it just wasn’t as big a deal as I’d thought it was.  (My biggest problem was convincing the stupid thing to fly UNDER the window sash and not keep trying to climb through the glass.  Insects, man.)

Life lessons R us.